3 Steps to Deal with Emotional Overwhelm as a Family Caregiver: The Emotional Processing Tool

Do your emotions manage you or do you manage your emotions? Chances are, if you are a family caregiver, your emotions are in the driver’s seat. Emotions like fear, anger, sadness, and even sometimes guilt may override the mission at hand. Here are some tips on how to deal with emotional overwhelm as a family caregiver and come out ahead of your emotions.

Here is the simple three-step process:

  1. Questioning your stories (is this fact or fiction/is this an unmet need or both?)
  2. Finding opposing evidence
  3. Using emotions plus repetition to transform your beliefs

If you repeatedly tell yourself or think the thoughts, “I am overwhelmed,” your brain goes “okay, boss – I’ll get right on that.” Then, the spirit of overwhelm is what you are embodying. Unfortunately, once your brain is on board with this thought pattern, your body follows suit and you become worn down and unwell physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Enter burnout.

Yes, of course, caregiving is overwhelming, but there are ways to manage those times and travel through your journey with more power and grace.

Step 1: Question your stories through self-awareness – it is so easy to get swept up in emotional upheaval when you are a family caregiver. Not only do you have to deal with the day-to-day issues involved, but you also must process the emotional aspects of caring for a loved one.

For many caregivers, it feels as though one minute you are going about life as you know it, and the next – everything is changing.

By exploring your inner world, you gain valuable insight on how to navigate the journey with power & grace.

Ask yourself questions:

  • What took place? Name the factual/actual occurrence.
  • What negative meaning (inference) about myself did I add to the situation? (one of the most common answers is, “I am alone/I am unsupported.”) Did you make it mean you are abandoned or alone or unsupported or incapable of handling what’s in front of you? You and only you can delve deeper into this question. For example, mom took a trip and fall, and I made it mean that I am a lousy son/daughter I “should have” been paying more attention, I feel so guilty, I’m alone in this and I’m so overwhelmed.

Step 2: Find Opposing Evidence:

Next pull apart the stories you tell yourself: For example, is it absolutely true that you are unsupported? Is there a sibling you can ask for help from (Yes, sometimes you actually have to ask for help.) Sometimes our family members see us in a higher light than we see ourselves and see we are certainly capable and are taking care of everything perfectly fine. It does not, however, mean we are perfectly fine. Sometimes we need to ask for help.

  • Is there a neighbor, a church, a volunteer organization, or a high school student looking for community service? Make a list of all the potential support and help you can find.
  • Is it absolutely true that you could have done more or better? Can you give yourself a pass and some grace along with self compassion for doing the absolute very best you can with what is in front of you right now at this moment?

Step 3: Use Your Emotions to Your Advantage

Then feel into the emotion of what it would feel like to actually reach out to support and get a “Yes, I can and will help!” Let your shoulders down and breathe a deep sigh of relief as you envision a smaller load off your shoulders.

While this is an abstract concept to feel into, it does take practice, and it can and does work. Practice seeking out what you wish to feel throughout the day. Is there a small smile on your loved one’s face, did you intentionally look for and see the beauty of nature on your drive there? What you look for and what you focus on is what you will see.

Next, make a list of any time in your life where you needed to become vulnerable and ask for help and there were other loving, kind human beings there for you. It could be something as simple as someone bringing you a cup of soup or running to the pharmacy for you when you were home sick with the kids. Remember what that felt like. Feel into those emotions.

Research is proving to show the art of seeking out evidence combined with emotion plus repetition is life transforming. Ask yourself about those stories, find opposing pieces of evidence, and feel into how it has felt in the past when you did, in fact, receive help and support in many areas of your life.

Emotion plus repetition is the key to transformation and achieving emotional mastery.

Stay tuned – next up is the True Art of Self Love (Self-Love vs. Self-Care) for Family Caregivers.

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