How to Create More Fulfilling, Healthy, & Happy Relationships: Start with You!

One of the best ways to discover if you are in a healthy relationship with someone else,  is to look within to recognize if you have a healthy relationship with yourself.

What does a healthy relationship with yourself look like:

Know Yourself:

Quiet Time:

It’s important to spend quiet time with yourself to get to know yourself. Grab your journal and jot down your thoughts, your emotions, and how you feel in your own skin. Ask yourself challenging questions, what are my standards, my values, and what brings me joy? Ask yourself what your needs are and what’s missing. Journal out some strategies for getting your own needs met. Do you need more novelty? Plan a road trip! Do you need to relax more? Maybe some soft music and dim lighting or a new meditation app will do just the trick. Create a list of needs and find joy in being creative on how to get those needs met.

Once you have a list of how you are going to get those needs met, chunk it down into smaller sections. Start with just one thing on your list. If you have a need for novelty, start small by cooking a new recipe or trying a new culture’s food that you would never consider before now. Maybe visit a museum you never really had much interest in or take a painting class even if you feel you are not that “artsy.”

Start small and don’t worry if you don’t love each and every trip to the craft store or didn’t get much out of exploring a new museum. That’s actually good information; you get to know yourself better and you can then translate that into a “do less of this and more of that” list. Consider taking yourself out on these joy journeys and see where it leads you.

In Real Time:

Once you have a clear understanding down on paper where you truly get to know your own needs, wants, and desires and have begun to put an action plan into place, start practicing expressing those needs in real time (also known as IRT). If you meet someone new – whether it is a new friend or a romantic interest – start being authentic with yourself and with them. This is what creates better connections. When you share in real time (IRT) with others what your likes and preferences are and what your “hard no’s” are, again, this is good information for both you and them. It allows those with the same resonance to draw closer and those who are different to move a little further away.

Getting to know yourself and letting others in to the magical mystery of you is an exciting journey for you both. Since you know yourself so well, it gets easier to let others know what you want, need, and desire. If you are like most sensitive souls, you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or you may feel like you have to “be nice,” but taking yourself into consideration and caring for yourself is just as important as caring for others. It’s a great way to teach others that you want to be treated just as kindly as you treat yourself. It’s an invitation to get to know you while at the same time allowing others to do the same.

Relationships with others:

Healthy relationships with others starts with a healthy relationship with ourselves. A healthy relationship with others starts with a healthy knowing of oneself and a healthy ability for interdependency. Most compassionate, empathic people, especially women have more than likely heard the term “codependent.” Being codependent means having a heavy reliance emotionally and mentally on another human being. It can also mean taking on the emotions in the form of pain and suffering of others, especially for empaths becoming too enmeshed with the emotional state of others.

Interdependence looks like the ability to have one’s own understanding that their happiness is not dependent upon someone else; they take the reins of their own joy. Interdependent people keep their own set of hobbies, pastimes, and interests alive and well without depending on their partner to fulfill all their needs. In a healthy relationship, both partners find joy and fulfillment doing things together and enjoying hobbies and interests on their own, as well.

In a healthy relationship, there is mutual respect. Both partners know in order to keep the relationship going strong, they must remember that even in their differences, there must be mutual respect, especially when dealing with conflict. When dealing with conflict (and all relationships will experience conflict at some point and time), it’s important to remember open communication is key. While at first, open communication may feel uncomfortable, practicing putting the problem on the table and asking curious questions is key. By putting the problem on the table, it now becomes both of you against the problem and not both of you against each other. Coming from a place of curiosity helps offset the desire to attack or defend.

Boundaries: It’s important for both parties to take the reins of their individual boundaries by clearly expressing them and reinforcing them when they slip. By expressing boundaries you give your partner an opportunity to know what you want and what does not work for you. Clearly established boundaries are best set from the onset of the relationship and if needed reinforced during those tougher times.

Getting to know yourself – your do’s, your don’ts, your wants, needs and desires, along with your values and standards and boundaries is key to developing happy,

healthy relationships with others – especially for those more compassionate and sensitive souls who struggle in some of these areas.

Allowing others to get to know you by setting and maintaining those boundaries as an invitation to get closer into your world is a good foundation for a healthy relationship with others.

Filling your own needs first and allowing others to have theirs, and then seeking those who are in alignment  with you is the perfect combination of a healthy interdependent relationship.

If you want to learn more about recreating your relationship to yourself, how to handle challenging family dynamics, and have happy healthy relationships with others, please feel free to check out the Personal Development School. Below you will find my affiliate link.

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Check out the link below and begin your journey to transformation today! If you want to learn how to restore your self-worth, learn how to have fulfilling relationships, form meaningful connections and create the best version of yourself, check out the link below:

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